Ladies and Gentlemen, I have tragic news for you.

The Castle Wars... he... he's... he's dead. Improper cuboids, poorly functional commandsigns, a lack of users, and a sudden leave of absence from the doctor all resulted in him passing away earlier this week. I'm truly sorry for your losses.

... hoooowwevver, we got ourselves a replacement for him! Our recently hospitalized and probably crippled Dr. Tyras swooped in and saved the day with his PvP tournament. All of the heartbroken and saddened people who suffered from the loss of Castle Wars were able to battle their adversaries last Saturday with the help of Tyras, in which one of the competitors even emerged victorious: mattcraft12.

Unfortunately, Mr. Castle Wars was hogging all of his wealth when he passed away, and as such no rewards were able to be given to mattcraft. Excellent job winning, though!

... Oh, and I lied about Mr. Wars being deceased. He should be back, and running again, in a few weeks when we update. Save your anger and insults towards him until then!



Blarrhggh what is this?! A double announcement?! nowaibro!

Indeed, there is more to this tragic story of the death of Mr. Castle Wars then... his death! The proverbial death of three other people occurred this weekend when we found out that those crazy bigwig judges from Master Builder had finally selected a winner. One individual, who managed to savagely decimate his opponents using creativity and strange glaring triumphed over his equally as ambitious competition to claim the ultimate mega-super-ultra-incredible-hyper-duper-mega-title of being the 2013 Master Builder Competition Winner.

*drumroll*

Without further ado, please congratulate haxxorzd00d for his triumphant success! Thank you to everyone else who participated (and didn't die from haxx's menacing mental mind tricks) by providing incredible builds, and hope to see you... whenever we decide to do Master Builder again!

Panic! Chaos! Anarchy (not PvP)! Turmoil and madness has plagued Escapecraft as I, Invunarble, have violently ascended into the position of law over the Events Team after a violent coup d'etat against the original leader. Don't worry, Tyras should be out of the hospital in a few... months.

As a result of such a violent rebellion, events will be on a hiatus after Castle Wars until further notice. But that's irrelevant, because there's a much better trade-off:


I've always wanted to do that squeeeeee

But don't worry, events will come back after the server updates - along with universal strip clubs, PvP, Interra, the old VIP rank, making everyone Op, dead contributors being brought from the grave, the Raven Empire, and every other thing you could possibly fathom. That is all.

... Oh, and I may have lied a bit about the Raven Empire coming back. And dead contributors. And making everyone Op. And just about everything in that paragraph except for the first sentence.

make op or i destroy escapecraft plz

I don't seem to quite understand why Sundays are dubbed "Bloody Sundays", and not Saturdays. On Saturdays, there's always some kind of gruesomely violent event going on with people dying left and right, and yet on Sundays next to nothing happens. A prime example of why Sundays don't deserve a "Bloody" prefix to it is the event that was hosted last week by the events team: Anarchy PvP.

Even though a whole 8 people showed up to the event (Hey, it was certainly better then Rock Races!), the process of the event was violent, ludicrous, and overall gory. After an exhausting four rounds of Team Red and Team Blue's contestants brutally fighting to the death, four winners were determined to head to the final round: Modocam, SurvivalBot (Not the one from IRC), electricpeper, and robipodsupreme.

Of course, in a typical Invunarble-style Anarchy PvP game, there can only be one winner. This was determined in the final round, when Modocam triumphed over his competition with much sweat and bloodshed, and won the ultimate grand prize of 200 steveland funbucks. Everyone else who was smart enough to get themselves a 1.5.1 version of Minecraft won, as promised, 50 steveland funbucks for participating.

Don't be too bummed out about missing this opportunity to win fab00ol000us prizes! You'll have another chance to win this ultra amazing prize by showing up to Castle Wars next week on Saturday, May 18th, 3:00 PM Server Time. Remember, be there, and be... circular! (hohohohoho wasn't that punny)

At some point in your life, have you ever played Runescape? That classically wonderful and nonsensical game from Jagex that involves you spending hours and hours and hours and hours on end to level up your character and gain minuscule amounts of rewards from it, and countless amounts of new quests to get done? Well, thankfully this sub-event for Master Builder isn't that. It's Castle Wars.

On May 18th, you can join Invunarbabblebabblebabble and the Events Team for a ludicrous minigame on the Escapecraft Enigma server to pass your anxious and otherwise terribly terrible Saturday afternoon. Once there, you can join in on this brand new game where you'll be equally divided onto two separate teams - Team Saradomin and Team Zamorak. From that, you'll valiantly fight your opponents to the death to capture their flag at the pinnacle of their keep (And just like Runescape, you can't be jumpin over them walls) and return it to your base. Along the way, you can employ various methods to get to your opposition's keep quicker - burning down their front gate, climbing ladders over their walls, and setting up barricades around your own walls.

Sounds like a blast, doesn't it? Just remember to be there next Saturday at 3:00 PM Server Time - You don't have to sign up here, either - where you and your team could win the ultimate grand prize of 200 steveland funbucks for winning in a "best 2/3"-esque tournament - the losers even get a nice reward of 50 steveland funbucks just for participating, as well!